10 Techniques for More Precise Writing

Here are ten ways to produce more vivid, direct, concise prose by replacing wordy phrases with fewer words and reorganizing sentences. It is not advisable to employ these strategies indiscriminately, but prose will usually be improved by following the recommendations below.

1. Use Active Voice
When a sentence includes be or any other copulative verb, such as is or are, recast the sentence to omit the verb.
Before: “The meeting was seen by us as a ploy to delay the project.”
After: “We saw the meeting as a ploy to delay the project.”

2. Avoid Vague Nouns
Phrases formed around general nouns such as aspect, degree, and situation clutter sentences.
Before: “She is an expert in the area of international relations.”
After: “She is an expert in international relations.”

3. Use Words, Not Their Definitions
Replace explanatory phrases with a single word that encapsulates that explanation.
Before: “The crops also needed to be marketable so that families would be able to sell any yields that exceeded what they personally required.”
After: “The crops also needed to be marketable so that families would be able to sell any surplus.”

4. Avoid Noun Strings
Reorganize sentences to eliminate series of nouns used as adjectives.
Before: “The lack of a secure transfer may hamper computer security incident response efforts.”
After: “The lack of a secure transfer may hamper responses to computer-security incidents.”

5. Convert Nouns to Verbs
When a sentence includes a noun ending in -tion, change the noun to a verb to simplify the sentence.
Before: “They will collaborate in the creation of new guidelines.”
After: “They will collaborate to create new guidelines.”

6. Reduce Verb Phrases to Simple Verbs
Identify the verb buried in a verb phrase and omit the rest of the phrase.
Before: “The results are suggestive of the fact that tampering has occurred.”
After: “The results suggest that tampering has occurred.”

7. Replace Complex Words with Simple Ones
Choose simpler synonyms for multisyllabic words.
Before: “The department will disseminate the forms soon.”
After: “The department will pass out the forms soon.”

8. Avoid Expletives
Don’t start sentences with “There is,” “There are,” or “It is.”
Before: “There are many factors in the product’s failure.”
After: “Many factors contributed to the product’s failure.”

9. Eliminate Prepositional Phrases
Replace “(noun1) of the (noun2)” phrasing with “(noun2)’s (noun1)” phrasing.
Before: “The decision of the committee is final.”
After: “The committee’s decision is final.”

10. Reduce Wordy Phrases to Single Words
Replace phrases that signal a transition with simple conjunctions, verbs, or other linking words.
Before: Due to the fact that the project is behind schedule, today’s meeting has been postponed.
After: Because the project is behind schedule, today’s meeting has been postponed.

translation: practise - novel


BSu,

Michael Corleone stood on a long wooden dock in Palermo and watched the great ocean liner set sail for America. He was to have sailed on that ship, but new instructions had come from his father.

He waved goodbye to the men on the little fishing boat who had brought him to this dock, men who had guarded him these past years. The fishing boat rode the white wake of the ocean liner, a brave little duckling after its mother. The men on it waved back; he would see them no more.

The dock itself was alive with scurrying laborers in caps and baggy clothes unloading other ships, loading trucks that had come to the long dock. They were small wiry men who looked more Arabic than Italian, wearing billed caps that obscured their faces. Amongst them would be new bodyguards making sure he came to no harm before he met with Don Croce Malo, Capo di Capi of the "Friends of the Friends," as they were called here in Sicily. Newspapers and the outside world called them the Mafia, but in Sicily the word Mafia never passed the lips of the ordinary citizen. As they would never call Don Croce Malo the Capo di Capi but only "The Good Soul."


BSa,

Michael Corleone berdiri di dermaga kayu yang panjang di Palermo dan ia sedang menyaksikan kapal laut besar bersiap untuk berlayar menuju Amerika. Seharusnya ia berada di kapal itu, namun instruksi mendadak dari ayahnya membatalkan rencananya.

Ia melambaikan tangannya pada orang-orang di atas perahu kecil yang mengantarnya kembali ke dermaga, orang-orang yang menjaga dirinya selama beberapa tahun terakhir. Perahu kecil itu kembali dengan mengikuti buih putih yang ditimbulkan kapal laut besar, penuh keberanian seperti anak itik yang mendatangi induknya. Para pria di perahu itu membalas lambaiannya. Ia takkan bertemu mereka lagi.

Dermaga ini ramai dengan lalu lalang buruh dengan topi dan pakaian baggy khas mereka, membongkar muat kapal-kapal yang tiba, dan memuatnya ke dalam truk-truk yang ada di dermaga panjang ini. Para buruh itu cenderung pendek namun  memilik badan yang kekar, mereka terlihat lebih mirip orang Arab daripada orang Italia, mengenakan topi berlidah untuk menutupi wajah mereka. Diantara mereka ada yang akan menjadi pengawal baru setelah dipastikan kedatangan mereka tidak membawa masalah, sebelum bertemu Don Croce Malo, sang capo di capi atau bos dari segala bos “Friends of the Friends,” julukan baginya di Sisilia. Media dan dunia luar menyebut mereka mafia, tapi di Sisilia kata Mafia tidak dikenal oleh penduduk setempat. Karenanya mereka tidak pernah menyebut Don Croce Malo dengan “bos dari segala bos”, tapi dengan “orang yang baik hati”.

Proses penerjemahan

Penerjemahan merupakan kegiatan pengalihan pesan dari bahasa sumber
ke dalam bahasa sasaran. Pada saat kegiatan ini berlangsung sampai dengan tahap
akhir yaitu hasil terjemahan terjadi proses yang ada dalam otak penerjemah
sehingga ia mampu menghasilkan terjemahan. Proses inilah yang dimaksud
dengan proses penerjemahan. 

Proses penerjemahan bersifat kognitif karena bersifat abstrak dan kasat mata, 
hanya penerjemah sendiri yang mengetahuinya. Proses penerjemahan merupakan 
serangkaian tahapan yang harus dilalui
oleh penerjemah untuk bisa sampai pada hasil akhir (Machali, 2000: 9). Holmes
(dalam Mansouri: 2005) melihat proses penerjemahan sebagai suatu proses
dengan beberapa tahapan sebagai berikut.
I have suggested that actually the translation process is a multilevel
process. While we are translating sentences, we have a map
of the original text in our minds and the same time a map of the
kind of text we want to produce in the target language.

Lebih lanjut Newmark, (1988: 144) menspesifikasikan tahapan-tahapan
pada proses penerjemahan menjadi tiga tahapan yaitu:

a. Menginterpretasi dan menganalisis teks bahasa sumber.
Kegiatan ini dimaksudkan untuk mengenali dan menganalisis teks secara
menyeluruh baik dari segi gaya bahasa, jenis teks, sintaksis, gramatikal
sehingga makna keseluruhan dari teks bisa diidentifikasikan dengan baik.

b. Memilih padanannya pada tataran kata hingga kalimat dalam bahasa teks
sasaran.
Dalam tahap ini, penerjemah berusaha untuk mencari dan menentukan
padanan istilah yang terkait dengan bidang yang diterjemahkan maupun
padanan budaya dalam bahasa sasaran yang sesuai dan tepat dengan istilah
yang dimaksud pada bahasa sumber.

c. Menyusun kembali teks sesuai dengan maksud penulis, harapan pembaca
teks bahasa sasaran, serta norma-norma bahasa sasaran.
Merupakan tahap pengekpresian kembali apa yang sudah dilakukan dalam
tahapan sebelumnya. Dalam tahap ini, tidak menutup kemungkinan
penerjemah melakukan kembali tahapan-tahapan sebelumnya jika
menemukan keganjilan dalam terjemahannya.

 Sumber: Tesis Sakut Anshori